My small world

Another thing about dreaming

2005-06-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

In your dreams, nothing is impossible, and our dreams are who we are..

**so deep......taken from a souvenir I found in my bro's car**

The truth

2005-05-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

Smile when your heart wants to smile
Cry when you’re hurt and want to let go
Laugh loud when it’s the right thing to do
Be mad when someone treats you bad
Say, “YES” if you agree on something

But don’t smile when you want to cry,
When people treat you improperly
When you want to scream out loud to let all the burdens away

Don’t say, “YES” if it doesn’t come from inside your heart,
If you disagree on one thing
If you don’t know whether it’s certain or not

Don’t hide your feelings if it’s too much to take
Cause if you do,
You’re going to be the one who’s left crying

Liar liar

2005-05-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

Here I am…

My body is here,
But my soul isn’t

I’m smiling,
But I’m crying

I’m working,
But I’m sleeping

I’m singing,
But I’m shattering

I’m happy,
But I’m gloomy

Feels like such a big lie…

Life..

2005-05-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get…
(Forrest Gump)

Perhaps, life is just like the box of chocolate that Forrest likes to eat in the movie. We don’t know whether we will get a milk chocolate, the one with almond and raisin inside, the one with liquor, or a dark and bitter chocolate. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to have our favorite chocolate in the first bite, but sometimes we have to eat a few bitter ones before we get the chocolate that we want. That’s exactly what happens in life. Maybe we have to go through some bitterness first before we achieve something sweet.

One thing for sure, life is a story, just like stories we know from books or movies.
We can write a story of our lives and make it into make a movie. But we’re only actors, just like Tom Hanks in the movie. We can only plan things to happen, wish for the best, hoping that we’re doing the right thing, but in the end…it’s never been our authority to determine the ending of the story. Even though we can make the story of our lives better by doing good efforts, still, we’re not the director. But like every other movies, there must be something good for us to learn in the end, no matter how bad the story was.

A friend of mine used to say that life is just like a path that we have to go through to get to one place that we want to be, but we don’t know the way to get there. That’s why we have to be careful not to make any wrong turns, because every turning will have their own ending. And a wrong turn might lead to a wrong ending.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Here I am, spending my last 2 months wondering whether I’ve made the right decisions for my life all these times. Wondering if only I had made a different decision for some things in the past, then my life story would be different, and my life would be better.

But then again, would it be better?
Would it be the same?
Or would it be worse?

Maybe this is something that has been written in my story. Perhaps everything I’ve been going through in my life are things that I have to go through, even if the story is a little bit different, because there has to be something real good for me to learn. Perhaps the bitterness I had were actually the best thing for me. Sometimes people are difficult to understand that the things we consider as something bad is actually the best decision for them. And I am one of those people…

I just wish that all the roads I’ve taken in my life would lead to something sweet in the future, even though there might have been some obstacles along the way. And I do believe that there’s always a rainbow after the rain.

So.. Now I will only say…”Yup, Forrest…you’re right!! We all never know what we’re gonna get.”

Life indeed is a mystery, isn’t it ??

* * * Life..oh life… oh life… oh life……. (Des’ree) * * *

If Only....

2005-04-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

If only.....

Life is as simple as my life when I was younger.........

*galau nihh*

Dreams...

2005-04-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

I always think I’m a dreamer.

I’ve always had this huge dream (or should I say dreams?) of mine that stays in my mind until now, waiting for me to make it come true, even though I still have no clue how to make them come true. Some of them have stayed in my mind for years, some are quite recent. But still, those are my dreams. And somehow, I just have to find a way to make it come true someday.

For me, there’s nothing wrong at all about dreaming. After all, every big thing comes from dreams, right? If we never dream on something and want it so bad to happen, perhaps we wouldn’t even bother to try to reach it. But one thing for sure, always keep our feet on the ground. Don’t let our dream take us away from reality. Don’t be a dreamer who dreams too much and don’t do anything to make it real. Let our dreams take us to the place where we want to be, to be the person we want to be, do the things we want to do, and let our dreams take us to the place where there’s plenty of love.

*** just a little thought from a dreamer ***

Just One Minute

2005-04-12T04:27:00.000-07:00

An auntie asked me to read one chapter in a book that she just bought in a book fair recently. “Just read the ‘Just One Minute’ section, I’m sure you’ll like it,” she said. I said OK, and I started reading.

It was a short chapter. It talks about so many useful things that we can do in just one short minute, from how many prayers can we say, how many lines can we read, how many words can we write, how many exercises we can do, and so many other useful small things. If we accumulate those things that we do within only one minute, just imagine how much we can achieve in an hour, a day, a month, a year, or a decade?

Suddenly, I came across my own one-minute-activities, and realized how much I’ve wasted my time all these times. What do I do in one minute? Daydreaming? Thinking about my future plan? Reading or writing something? Doing my job or helping out at home with some errands? Gossiping? Or simply do nothing? Well…one thing for sure, I’m glad I’m not wasting this very minute for nothing because I’m writing this at the moment, and I just wish that it’s not a waste of time :)

Somehow, that chapter gave me a “one minute enlightenment”, and hopefully this short writing would also be able to give the similar kind of effect (haha.. there’s nothing wrong about hoping, right?).

* * Just make the most of every minute that we have, because every minute counts * * *

Ssst.....

2005-03-29T07:17:00.000-08:00

Pagi hari…

A: “…gitu deh pokonya. Gak nyangka kan? Eh, tapi jangan bilang siapa-siapa ya…Please…bener yaa? Cuma kamu yang aku kasih tau. Janji yah!”

B: “Relax, my mouth is sealed. Your secret is safe with me.”

Sore harinya…

C: “Masa sih? Hahaha…. Gue gak percaya… Tapi kayaknya sih beneran ya? Thanks yaa udah ngasih tau gue…”

B : “Duh, tapi lo janji yah gak akan sebarin ini ke siapa-siapa lagi. Gue udah janji nih gak akan kasih tau siapa-siapa lagi soal ini, tapi karena lo temen baik gw aja makanya gue cerita. Janji yaaah ? gak enak nih gue cerita-cerita, kelepasan niiih…… Makanya lo GAK BOLEH cerita sama siapa-siapa !!! “

C : “Iya..iyaa….. Kayak baru kenal gue kemaren ajaa..”

Keesokan harinya…

*Kriiiiing….. – suara telepon berdering*

D : “Halo? Eh…hai!!! Kemana aja? Apa kabar nih?”

C : “Baik2 aja kok. Eh..eh.. tau gak sih kalo…..”

D: “Yang bener? Denger dari siapa?”

C: “Mm… gue denger dari seseorang sih berita ini, tapi sebenernya gue juga gak boleh bilang sama siapa-siapa……”

D: “Haa??? Ternyata gitu toh…. Ya udah, aku nggak akan cerita sama banyak orang kok soal ini.”

C: “Salah, bukan jangan cerita sama banyak orang, Jangan cerita sama siapa-siapa lagi !!!”

D : “Bereeees….. “

C : “ Udah ya. Nanti disambung lagi teleponnya. Daah.. Inget ya, jangan bilang siapa-siapa!”

D : “Iya…sip!”

*Klik – suara telepon ditutup *

Hari berikutnya..

D : “…kalo gak salah sih begitu critanya…”

E : “Ah masaaa? Tapi denger-denger kan dia tuh sebenernya…”

A : “Eeeeehh…. ngomongin siapa tuuh? Denger dari siapa???????? “

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahahaha!

Sounds familiar??

Kalau jawabannya YA, mungkin hal seperti ini kadang membuat kita berpikir, apakah agar rahasia kita benar-benar aman, sebaiknya kita tidak usah menceritakannya kepada siapapun SAMA SEKALI???

Atau memilih menceritakannya pada seseorang dengan resiko seperti cerita diatas??

The choice is all yours…

Women

2005-03-29T05:59:00.000-08:00

I always like this one..

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp

If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics

If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen

If you listen, she wants you to talk

...WOMEN!

** Dedicated for all women in the world **

Hard Habit to Break

2005-03-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

Senin : “Ah masih lama, masih Senin depan, gak usah dipikirin…..”

Selasa : “Rencana hari ini banyak juga yang harus dikerjain, target beberes : Sabtu kali yaa…”

Rabu : “Hari ini harus kesana, kesini, pulang jam segini, ketemu si ini…gak sempet beres-beres, lagipula masih banyak yang harus dicari kok…”

Kamis : “Banyak banget kerjaan sih hari ini…weekend aja ah diberesinnya, toh masih buat hari Senin ini..”

Jumat : “Asyiik, long weekend…….just enjoy the day and my “last day” in doing something, gak usah mikir2 beberes...Ki, temenin belanja, yuk..”

Sabtu : “Wake up in the morning, jogging, janji ketemu temen2, penuh juga hari ini….besok aja ah beres2nya, sekalian…”

Minggu : “Ha?? Musti beres2 buat besok yah? Ternyata banyak bangeeeeeet yang musti diberesin…Males ah…mau tidur aja…kan masih buat besok ini…”

** Such a Hard Habit to Break-Chicago **

True Happiness

2005-03-27T05:26:00.000-08:00

What is a true happiness?

Is it happiness you find when you are happy and satisfied about yourself?
Is it happiness you find when you are content about everything around you?
Is it happiness you find when you can please the people you love?
Is it happiness you find when you can give significant contribution for your surroundings?

Will you be happy if other people around you are not satisfied with you?
Will you be happy if you feel like you cannot fulfill people’s expectations of you?
Will you be happy if you are the only person who’s happy while others are crying?
Will you be happy if you keep on trying to please others while you are suffering inside?

Have you found your true happiness?

** Just a little thought that suddenly came up after dinner **

Shopping Disorder

2005-03-27T04:18:00.000-08:00

If you’ve heard about sleeping disorder, you’ll be familiar with the word Insomnia. Now, how about shopping disorder? Hahahaha….. I don’t know the scientific name for this kind of phenomenon, but I’m sure you’ll agree if we relate this shopping disorder with the word Shopaholic. Well, perhaps it’s not a disorder at all (the word disorder sounds too cruel to me :p), but people often see it that way. If those who love shopping so bad until people categorize them as shopaholic do have a lot of money and don’t cause problem to anyone because of their shopping habit, then we don’t have to see this as a disorder. What difference does it make with hobbies? What’s the difference between people who loves reading very much and then they read everyday? Haha…perhaps the difference is located in the amount of money they spend. Let’s not discuss this any further, let’s just ask ourselves about our shopping habit. Do you have the same habit with me? ;)

Am I shopaholic?
Maybe that’s the question we should ask ourselves when we feel that we cannot resist the urging desire to own a white bag in the shopping mall even though we’ve had 2 of the similar items at home. Or, when we keep on buying shoes whenever we see something new, even if our shoe rack is extremely full, and whenever we go shopping we always end up buying things that we don’t need and perhaps will stay “virgin” in the lowest shelf of our closet. Hahahaha… it happens almost to all women in the world (well.. as far as I know, people who suffer – or should I say enjoy? – from this thing are women :p), and it happens to me, too !!!!! Sometimes I go out just to accompany my friend, but I end up buying things more than she does. And since I spent the past couple of days to shop for my needs but ended up buying the things I don’t really need (most of the things I bought are not listed in my shopping list :p), perhaps I should also ask myself. Am I a shopaholic?

??????

Well… for me, I won’t say that I’m a shopaholic (haha..it sounds like a denial :p), cause I don’t shop too often (hmm..it’s a bit relative I guess, my parameter of often may be different than others’) and I can still manage to resist the temptation to buy things (hahaha…another denial, cause sometimes I only stop buying things if my money “stops” :p). However, I do have to admit that I often cannot resist the temptation of cute T-shirts, pretty shoes, bags, books, jeans, and other things I see whenever I go shopping (that’s one symptom of being a shopaholic, haha…). I also try to have a justification for buying every single item that’s out of my shopping list. I would justify myself to buy the items by saying “it’s a good bargain”, “it’s discounted”, “I haven’t got the color”, “I can give it as present if I don’t like it’, “I won’t have the budget for shopping next month”, “I’ll get many bonuses next month”, “I need to give myself a little present”, and sooooooo many other justifications. But I’m sure I’m not the only person who does things like this. Ha! I bet other people do this kind of justifications as well.

Being someone who loves shopping so much (and spending money, of course) doesn’t necessarily have a negative meaning. A good friend of mine used to complain about her shopping habit, and used to blame herself and feel guilty because she could never resist her desire to shop. She even categorized herself as a true shopaholic because she shops for fun, for her needs, and she shops whenever she feels sad and needs a place to runaway. Now, look at her. She combines her “hobby” with her everlasting dream to open a boutique. Dreams come true, she’s got her small boutique launched a few months ago, she can go shopping for the boutique without having to feel guilty because at the end people will buy the things she bought for her boutique and get the money back. Smart girl…

So…wanna go shopping, anyone ?? :)

What’s written on the stars

2005-03-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

Taken from a forwarded e-mail:

SCORPIO WOMAN

A simple woman who always show what kind of a moods she is in. You can tell right way if she up set, or if she is flirting with you. She displays herself with her act much more than trying to say it for it's in her character.

A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality. She is confident and deep down inside she is quite proud of herself. She hates to think she is borne a woman and so limiting her with a certain social acceptable rules.
She is a real woman and despite her innocent and childish looks, she has a spirit of free soul. Many men will make mistake if they think she is a good follower, they are wrong.
She thinks being a plain simple housewife is boring. She likes to have power and control over other people, but this will be only her secret, so you will only see a cute woman. Every things she does will look good, and she has all the woman's trick you can think of. She can manipulate men without they knowing it.

If you think she going to do everything you say because she loves you, then you will be disappointed. She could be a little tomboyish and she can understand you by just looking in your eyes. You may say sweet words which could sweep any woman, but not with the Scorpio woman. She will use her X-ray eyes reading your thought of what you just said or what you are going to say. She always smile and she can really hide her feeling.

She will constantly show you that she loves freedom. If she has freedom, she will not leave you, but will even love you more. If she wants something, she will do everything to get it. She has her own sixth sense of people and you can feel that energy feed back when you around her. She likes a man who can earn her respect, and she will also respect and feel proud of that man. A man with power over her should not threat or challenge her confident. She likes to have a good looking , strong and healthy man especially if she start to compare with her friends' boyfriends. It is a plus if he hold a degree or a good career.

She is a hot lady. She likes heavy music. She either loves or hates, there are no "fond of", or "like" for her. Love has no "may be", or "perhaps". If she is real mad, she will trash and throw things. Her wind storm can sweep all her dishes and you could get accidentally hit on your head for this matter. Be calm, it is just your grand mother favorite china for she has good quality as much as her bad tempered.

Sometimes she shows her weakness, but it won't be long. She will put herself together and back to be that hot chili again. If she loves you, it will be no matter what other people may say. Her relationship will be more important than what is right or wrong

She is spoil, but she allows her love one to over power her. Dating this woman, you should not keep old love letters in your pocket or in your house. It could be a love letter 2 years ago, but never mind she will argue about this since this is a big deal for a suspicious woman. Remember she has a temper of the shrew.

If you play a cold war with her, she will treat you likewise and double it.
If you stood her up once, she will stood you up 2-3 times. She is quite fair in justice, so she can accept your apologies as much as she can pretend to accept things for now and wait for a pay back revenge in the future. If you are nice to hear, she will double that to you as well. A real fair woman.

She likes to make and spent money. She likes to have fame and reputations, and never let herself broke and have no name at the same time. She is too proud and will not accept status of being "Poor". She loves to have face, so if you are a manager with small salary, she will be proud more than more money being a truck driver. She hates to think and she can not stand a feeling of being a "Nobody".

* * * * * * * * * * *

I’ve got the e-mail forwarded since last month, but I didn’t pay much attention to the description given for each star sign until last night.

I just can’t say anything.
80% of the description given above is so me!!!!
It’s just amazing how star sign can have this significant influence on someone’s character.

Or is it just a coincidence?????????

2005-03-24T16:23:00.000-08:00

It's me...

Daaaah…….

2005-03-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

Masih berbau-bau farewell nih..

Tahun 2004 yang lalu gw pernah cabut dari 2 pekerjaan yang udah gw kerjain selama beberapa lama karena ada kerjaan lain. Bukan kerjaan permanen siih, tapi lumayan lama, dan gw harus segera meninggalkan kerjaan yang sedang berjalan untuk ngerjain proyek ini. Waktu itu sih tanpa farewell party atau apapun, langsung main minta resign dari kerjaan yang satu dan minta ijin cukup lama untuk ninggalin kerjaan yang satunya lagi karena si proyek baru ini lumayan mendadak penawaran dan keputusan jadi nggak-nya.

Yang namanya ninggalin 2 pekerjaan yang waktu itu dijalanin emang lumayan berat, sempet ragu-ragu, tapi pada akhirnya keputusan dibuat juga. Gw ambil aja deh proyek ini, walaupun konsekuensinya gw harus meninggalkan beberapa hal. Gara-gara keputusannya mendadak juga, jadinya gw gak punya cukup waktu untuk bikin perpisahan secara baik dan benar. Nggak ada farewell party, dan nggak sempet pamit sama samua orang di kantor. Padahal, belum tentu begitu proyek ini kelar gw bisa balik lagi ke tempat kerja yang gw tinggalin ini. Tapi mungkin karena segala sesuatunya serba mendadak itu jadinya nggak sempet ngerasa sedih mau pisah sama orang2 di kantor. Yang ada cuma pikiran-pikiran seputar rencana ke depannya, gimana cara bekerja sebaik-baiknya untuk kerjaan yang akan diambil ini dan apa rencananya nanti kalau proyek yang gw ambil ini selesai.

Ternyata, rejeki gw masih deket2 aja. Masih disitu-situ aja. Begitu proyeknya selesai, gw diminta balik lagi ke 2 tempat kerja yang waktu itu gw tinggalkan. Akhirnya, serasa pulang kampung deh….bersyukur juga sih, soalnya setelah dipikir2, mungkin itu adalah yang terbaik buat gw saat itu.

Sekarang, setelah mikir-mikir dan menimbang-nimbang cukup lama, gw mau coba satu kerjaan baru (yang sebenernya belum gw tau bakalan gw suka apa nggak) yang artinya gw harus meninggalkan (lagi) 2 kerjaan yang sekarang gw kerjain lagi. Namanya juga mau ninggalin kerjaan-kerjaan yang sama untuk kedua kalinya, kali ini gw nggak pengen jadi trouble maker yang ninggalin kerjaan gitu aja di tengah-tengah, makanya, gw minta waktu yang cukup sama kantor gw yang baru untuk mempersiapkan semua proses resign yang baik dan benar (ciee…). Sebulan tuh ceritanya prosesnya. Dan dalam 1 bulan itu selain ngeberesin urusan kerjaan, gw juga menyaipkan keperluan pindahan dan yang paling penting, nyiapin mental untuk meninggalkan 2 pekerjaan yang sebenernya udah sangat gw suka ini. Karena “woro-woro” mau pindahnya lumayan lama, sewaktu beneran sampai ke saat mau pindah, ternyata ada yang pada nyiapain kado perpisahan, ada farewell party, salam-salaman, pamitan, huaaaa……… kok jadi sedih gini siiiih? Padahal dulu pernah melakukan hal yang sama, tapi rasanya beda ya? Yang dulu rasanya datar-datar aja, tapi sekarang……. Hiiiiks…….. Ya nggak sedih2 amat gimana sih, tapi beda aja rasanya…. Hehehehehehehehehe……..

23032005

2005-03-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing how time flies.

It’s March 2005, I’ve lived in this world for 23 years and 5 months, and I’ve spent my entire live in Bandung, the so-called Flower City and Paris van Java in this country. Can u imagine, MY ENTIRE LIFE !!!!!

Well, I have no regrets at all about spending all my life in this city so far. I love being here. I love the weather, I love the people, I love the restaurants and cafés, I love the city light at night, I love the angkots, I love the food, I love my house, I love the schools I’ve attended, I love my university, the factory outlets and other shopping places, in general, I just love everything about this city (except the traffic jams and the smelly trash, for sure.. :p).

The reason why I love this city so much is because I’ve had so many great moments here, and mainly because it’s the only city I’ve ever lived in (kekekekkk….poor me :p). I was born here, grew up here, went to elementary school until university here, met my best friends here, had my first date and boyfriend here, met my current boyfriend here, had my first job here, and all other great moments here. Practically, it’s my comfort zone.

That’s why it’s going to be very hard for me to leave this city. In couple of days from now, I’m leaving this city to Jakarta to try something new. After doing the same things for years, it’s about time for me to grab a new challenge and try to shape things up for my future…. I realize that it won’t be easy, especially for someone like me, the youngest kid in the family, the baby, the one who is expected to stay near her parents…. (hehehehe…)

But that’s it… life goes on, perhaps it’s something that must do now (after denying the fact that I have to be more “serious” in life for the past one year and do many “fun” things in Bandung). Now, I just have to move on, try to be more independent and leave my comfort zone here. Aaaaaaargh……………